New member, but long time carer, struggling badly....

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hang on, the worst is over now. You are now very unlikely to "lose everything" because if mum is detained against her will, that starts a different process which could mean that the NHS HAS to pay for her care forever.
Don't think ahead for the next few days.
Get some pills from the GP to help you relax into sleep, because you must be dog tired. My GP gave me Amitryptilene, which worked well. Jenny will be along presently, I can't remember what she was prescribed, there are a range of options.
Even if you do not WANT to take medication, your body has been so deprived of sleep for so long that your BODY desperately needs rest. Don't be surprised if you just sleep and sleep, remember how much sleep you haven't had.
Mum is now in safe hands. Finally, the medical profession has seen first hand what mum is like at her worst.
Feel proud of how long you tried to help mum, and then sleep.
No advice but do feel for you. I would say it is in your best interests to keep your mother in hospital and if they try to discharge her, say that there is no one to look after her. The whole 'mental capacity'thing is a nightmare as things that you and I would consider dangerous to the person or to others, seem to be accepted. It may well come down to funding because I think BB Is correct - if someone is detained under the Mental Health Act, I think care is then free.

I can only wish you the very best at this very difficult time. Your mother does sound a danger not only to herself but to you and I do feel you need to put yourself first now.
Things can only move forward now. Get a diagnosis. It's better to know however painful.
Give yourself a break now. You must. You are a very admirable lady.
I know that future funding is of great concern to you. Section 117 f the Mental Health Act is the relevant legislation which explains about free after care, but only if S117 has been used.
However you should also be aware that if mum continues to be a danger to herself and others and needs care in an EMI home (Elderly Mentally Infirm) then she may qualifty for care under "NHS Continuing Healthcare".
I hesitated about giving these details at this point, only read up when you feel it is appropriate. However, if you are the sort of person (like me) who can only rest when ou know that things are sorted, it might help now.
Hi Diane
I've read through the post and didn't feel I could not reply although I'm not sure I'm on quite the same wavelength as the others, because I can identify with quite a lot of what you are going through. Dementia for I suspect that's the cause of all this is an evil disease , so hard though it is try to remember happier times - you said at the start of the thread you have always been close to your mum so hang on to that and don't lose her memory in the present dramas unfolding.
I've had Dad screaming all through the night , sometimes in anger sometimes pittifully and truly know what's like to be getting so irritable because of being tired.
I've also been down the road of insisting things were down to UTIs , and there have been many times in the past but it seems now at the same age of 91 that Dad's decline is now dementia and not infection. He has played up so much with professionals the discharge nurses discharged him as being unable to help. The district nurses and Drs are waiting hopefully for community mental health to come up with a plan and when they arrived , they were also unsure what they could prescribe because of his complex medical history and co morbidities. It feels very much as though all the professionals are just trying to manage him until the inevitable happens. I hope you have success with your mum being in hospital and have abreak, although in my own case he was discharged fairly quickly as all due to dementia and "medically fit"- all stats and obs being ok. No one mentioned sectioning him and he has pushed nurses and carers away and tried to bite a discharge nurse. If you want to go down that road of sectioning him, I suspect you will need to push hard for it so keeping a diary of all events is very important. Make sure you stress the dangers to herself and to the property and her carers as the screaming , tantrums and irrational behaviour probably won't be enough. The hospital's main aim from day 1 will be getting her discharged to free their bed up -sorry if I am cynical on this point .Dad is now at home mostly in bed, sometimes doubly incontinent and has moments of great confusion with occasional lucidity. All has been quiet at night recently until yesterday when he yelled the place down again . Even when dad falls and is disorientated, the paramedics don't take him back to hospital-its all "just dementia" and as such not a medical condition the hospital can treat. Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but just sharing my experience for what it's worth.
Diane, hi, I've just 'arrived' on the forum. How are things at the moment? Did you get to your GP, did he give you anything to calm you down? (My 'fave' is Diazapam - you shouldn't 'live on it' as it's addictive, but for short periods it really takes the edge off things and lets you 'cope'...AND it relaxes your muscles, so you are less physically tense too. It should help you sleep.

If you didn't manage to get to the GP, then have a warm, sweet milky drink, and as BB says, you will probably sleep massively - your body and mind is at the edge of what it can endure, and you will 'collapse' catastrophically if you don't get some sustaining rest.

Is your mum still in hospital? I HOPE SO! The more medics see her behaviour, the better, I'm really glad she was such a nightmare to the paramedics, as that will all file into her report.

I agree the best option for you is that she is detained as a mental patient, as that (a) proves she has no capacity and (b) means 'free' care via the NHS.

One possibility might be that the NHS do something 'on the NHS' but 'via the private sector' - for example, they may send her to a 'nursing home for the mentally impaired' which is 'private' but which the NHS pays for. Something similar (without the mental bit) happened to the mother of someone I know who had fallen, and had a UTI too, and instead of keeping her in the large (and distant) general hospital she was sent to a private nursing home, where she spent a week, but it was all covered by the NHS.

If however the NHS somehow say it's 'just dementia' as Henrietta fears they might, and then she has to self-pay, I think you said earlier that she may well have something like £75k in savings. Well, you know, that would keep her in a dementia care home for two years (allow £100 a day, that's what my MIL is paying) (so, £36k a year!). Yes, of course YOU deserve that £75k, but to get rid of her from your life for the next two years would be worth it! And hopefulluy she can't live more than that, can she, given the state she's in? Her lungs for a start, must be shot to pieces from all that smoking.....

I do think it's imperative that you tell the hospital, your GP, her GP that you WILL NOT BE LOOKING AFTER HER ANY LONGER. So if they send her home, you will either not lift a finger, or, better still, you won't be there. Can you not get to your partner, with your little dog, at least temporarily, even if it's tricky for him to have you 'permanently' because of his mum. This really is a crisis, and if you are not physically in your mum's house I don't see how they can palm her off with care-workers, not in the mental state she's in...

Hoping SO MUCH that this is 'the end' now for her living at home, with you as browbeaten and near to collapse as you have been.

We are all here rooting for you. over the several years I've been on this forum you are not, alas, the only middle aged woman whose life has been sacrificed to a selfish parent, so pleae don't feel 'weird' or anything - it's grimly more common than you might imagine. That said, as BB pointed out some posts again, yours is one of the most extreme situations.....